Love Feels Like a Roller Coaster, But Why?

When It’s More Than a Crush

Some people, though, remain caught in the wild ride of love. Love feels like a roller coaster, and they adore it. They live on the highs and lows they experience surrounding their love object. This response is even though their love object shows no signs of reciprocation and probably isn’t even aware of how others feel about them. This state is called limerence or obsessive love.

When many people would sigh and acknowledge that it’s time to give up when it’s clear there’s no future with a love interest, the limerent person digs in even more. Their love object remains the focus of their thoughts and emotions. They hang onto every little interaction with their love object, mining it for clues of mutual attraction. They savor all the bits of new information they may gain about their love interest, trying to build their knowledge of the other person’s private life.

Of course, the limerent person experiences huge physical reactions when in the presence of the love object. These physical reactions alone can feel like a roller coaster: surging heart rate, flushing and blushing, tongue-tied, intense awareness of the other that blocks out what’s happening in the background.

Why This Happens

Therapists and scientists are beginning to understand how some people end up experiencing obsessive love, while others don’t.

The first clue is the biological hormones that the body releases during the early stages of physical attraction. These include dopamine, noradrenaline, and oxytocin. Such chemicals are powerful things. They set up a stimulus and reward cycle that drives the brain to do more of what makes it experience the emotional highs of obsessing about the love object.

For better or worse, this same stimulus and reward cycle is seen in people who have obsessive compulsive disorder and addictions. Despite wanting to stop what they’re doing, they can’t. The neural systems and chemicals in their brain have become so reinforced to engage in the behavior that stopping it feels impossible.

For the limerent person, the stimulus is the love object, and the reward is the roller coaster of emotions they experience. It may not sound like it makes sense, but in the neurochemical world, it does. It’s a real and complicated type of addiction.

Breaking Free

Like many individuals struggling with addiction, the limerent person may not want to break free from their obsessive interest. But being limerent can quickly come to control one’s entire life. Every waking thought is about the love object. Focusing on work and home responsibilities and even leisure becomes impaired due to the level of obsession. This overcome lifestyle isn’t a fun way to live.

—

Fortunately, there are ways to help a limerent person learn to manage their obsessive behavior. It is possible to address the addictive stimulus-reward cycle and stop it.

If love feels like a roller coaster ride in your life, take heart that life doesn’t have to be this way. As therapists specializing in treating limerence, we urge you to reach out today or visit our Obsessive Love – Limerence page to learn more.