The Trouble with Comparing Your Relationship to Cinematic Romance

You’re stuck on a sinking ocean liner, and you have somehow managed to--within the span of a few days--find your soulmate and passionately fall in love. 

Even on a sinking ship, your connection is epic. Decades later, the purity and beauty of it transcends time and inspires all. So much so, that when the credits roll and the screen fade to black, you look over at your mate and wonder why your love seems so…mediocre.

Does this sound familiar?

It would be an interesting life if your story were a box office love story like “Titanic”. Love would be perfect (or perfectly imperfect), passionate glances, cinematic locales, hair, and make-up that never need touching up.

Love would conquer all with a perpetual promise of lasting attraction, harmony, and happily ever after.

Alas, life is not a movie.

However, it can be tempting to compare your relationship to the ones we see on screen. And doing so can be unhealthy for those of us who experience the ups and downs of relationships in real life. 

Here are 3 reasons why the comparison will never add up.

On-screen relationships lack context.

We don’t know the true backstory of an individual, only the story a person decided to tell. 

So while we might learn a character’s traits, their background, race, gender, social class, and basic build-a-character information, these people are ready-made individuals. And their lives don’t always match with their given background. 

For example, they may have some tough times, but they likely still live in a well-furnished brownstone without ever thinking too deeply about paying rent. 

And an on-screen relationship may also lack the context of the ups and downs of a relationship, its full story, times when things were bad or good, threats, what people did to get through the rough patches. Real-life relationships, however, do have this context.

The “relationship” is part of a larger motive--profit. 

So the storyline will often be a means to this end. The storyline will fit the profit goal. And the writers, directors, crew, et cetera are there to supply what people want. 

People don’t always go to the movies to see a slice of real life, but to see characters who entertain them or make them feel something. To relate to a couple used to drive stories and dollars does your actual life a disservice. 

Your relationship wasn’t created to succeed at the box office, so when you see a couple on television or in the movies, consider that the storyline is not as authentic as it looks. There are a wealth of special effects behind the scenes helping to create the perfect scenario.

You don’t have a professional hair and makeup crew to help you get through each scene with your partner. 

Essentially, you don’t have a director or expert makeup and hair crew to perfect a sweet moment or yell “cut” amid an argument with your partner. 

Films make the mundane and painful look beautiful. Sometimes this unattainable standard can cause us to become annoyed, jealous, or resentful in comparison when our lives don’t match up. 

Another truth? At the end of the day--the goal is to make money, not to model ideal real-world relationships.

To seek solace from our own lives through movies can be a welcome escape. But problems arise if we think that our lives should mirror the lives of those we see on the big screen. 

 If you would like to know how we can help you navigate your actual relationship and communicate well, please visit our premarital counseling page for more information.