5 Compassionate Ways to Cope with Your Partner’s Anxiety
You both are out on what’s supposed to be a date night.
However, while walking toward the restaurant, your partner’s posture gets tense. They get quiet and the conversation stalls. When you ask what’s wrong they tersely reply, “nothing.”
Yet, you know that being in large, crowded areas wasn't easy for your partner before the pandemic. Now, it's even more of a challenge. Still, you are encouraged that they have been going to therapy and are working on their worries a day at time.
So what do you do on days like this one? Your partner’s anxiety is still a problem, yet, you long for a night out.
How can you cope with their anxiety in a way that is compassionate, caring, and still honors your relationship needs?
1. Take a Moment to Pause
When your partner is having a period of intense anxiety, take a moment to pause for yourself. While you’re at it, take a few deep breaths too. Yes, these are techniques for coping with anxiety. However, they are also helpful for you when your partner’s anxiety flares up. This way, you are less likely to get sucked into their anxious response and can stay calm and patient. Also, it gives you an opportunity to better understand what is going on to respond compassionately.
2. Avoid Telling Your Partner What To Feel/Not Feel
When your partner’s anxiety starts up, it’s tempting to discount their feelings. For instance, telling them that there’s "nothing to worry about" or, at the extreme, that "they are being ridiculous". The other thing to avoid is communicating to your partner, either through your words or actions, that their feelings don’t matter. This can be terribly discouraging to someone with anxiety. Moreover, it may only make their symptoms worse. Instead, when your partner is feeling anxious, seek to understand why they feel the way they do. This sends the message that you care and are genuinely concerned about their well-being.
3. Refrain From Judging Your Partner’s Anxiety
You may want to judge or jump to conclusions about why your partner feels the way they do. After all, shouldn’t they be more attentive to not just your needs? Couldn’t they just relax when both of you had planned a special night out? The reality is that your partner probably is very aware and sensitive to the fact that this was an important date night for both of you. They can’t control when they will have anxiety. Thus, they may not only feel anxious but also ashamed as well. Judging your partner only makes things worse and doesn’t help either of you build the trust and closeness you want.
4. Let Them Know You Care
Even though your partner may struggle with anxiety, it can be incredibly helpful for them to know that you care for them no matter what. Yes, you can work with your partner to better deal with their anxiety. However, it is reassuring that they know that you will be there for them no matter what. In fact, you may be one of the few people in their adult lives on whom they can rely to be supportive, caring, and understanding of what they are experiencing. This is tremendously helpful for someone managing anxiety.
5. Make Sure You are Taking Care of Yourself
Finally, a compassionate way of coping with your partner’s anxiety is to make sure that you are also taking care of yourself. This can include a range of concerns, from getting enough sleep to affording yourself some quiet time alone. It’s also helpful to talk to someone about how you are coping with your partner’s anxiety. This is where considering therapy can be extremely helpful. In sessions, you can have the freedom to vent and get your feelings out in the open. It's often comforting to have a safe place to allow your own feelings a voice so that you don’t take them out on your partner.
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Most of all, remember that anxiety isn’t easy for anyone. There will be challenges for both you and your partner. Yet, there are ways that you can support each other. Please read more about couples counseling and reach out for a consultation. Together, we can work on ways to handle your partner’s anxiety and ensure more satisfying date nights in your future.