Do you ever feel like you’re not doing enough for your kids? Have you thought about your “failures” as a parent? Are your kids looking at a tablet or phone, watching television, or eating an unhealthy snack right now and you’re feeling ashamed by it?

If any of those things sound familiar, you’ve experienced mom guilt.

It’s a very real issue and, arguably, has become worse throughout the pandemic with more kids spending time at home and parents working remotely.

Mom guilt is the feeling of not doing things the right way as a parent. You might second-guess your decisions, and worry that you’ve failed your kids in some way. Whether you’re worried you work too much or your family isn’t as “perfect” as the ones you see on Instagram, mom guilt can often feel all-consuming.

Thankfully, there are things you can do to fight back against those feelings of guilt. Overcoming them will allow you to be a more effective, present parent. Let’s cover a few strategies you can use to let go of guilt for good.

How to Fight Mom Guilt

Identify the Sources

Are you worried you’re spending too much time at work and away from your kids? Do you feel like they aren’t signed up for enough activities? Do they spend too much time in front of the TV? As with any significant problem, the best thing you can do is learn about your triggers and what’s actually causing your guilt.

Keep an eye out for your triggers. You might even consider jotting down the moments you feel guilty about. This way you’ll have a better understanding of what’s causing it. When you have that picture in front of you, it can be easier to form a guilt-busting strategy.

Ignore Negative Thoughts

A major problem with mom guilt is that it often allows negative, self-deprecating thoughts to take over your mind. Even worse, those negative thoughts might be speaking to you in absolutes.

How often do you think “I’m never here for my kids,” or “I always let them watch too much TV.” Thinking in extremes is dangerous and damaging, and will add fuel to your guilt. Identify negative thought patterns and use positive affirmations to break the cycle.

Stop Comparing

Mom guilt is nothing new. But, it could be argued that it’s become worse in recent years because of social media.

It’s easy to scroll through your Facebook and Instagram feeds and compare yourself to others. Maybe you see a mom who is packing her kids' nutritious lunches every day. Or, you see a friend and her kids on a lavish vacation and know you don’t have the time or resources to do the same.

Remember that social media is often nothing more than a highlight reel of people’s lives. No one is going to post the pictures they took that didn’t turn out well. People rarely share their imperfections or the moments when life isn’t sailing along. Take the things you see on social media with a grain of salt. Instead, look inward at your own core values and goals. Intentionally focus on stopping the comparison to others.

Be Self-Compassionate

If a close friend or family member came to you and expressed they were feeling mom guilt, how would you react? Chances are, you would reassure them. You would do whatever you could to comfort them and show compassion.

There’s no reason you shouldn’t treat yourself the same way.

If you’re experiencing guilt in parenthood, this may be a good sign. It may be that you care and simply want to do your best. No parent is perfect. You’re going to make mistakes. Things won’t always seem fair.

So, be self-compassionate and kind to yourself. If you know you need to make some changes, take the right steps toward making them. It won’t help to berate yourself along the way.

Take the Next Step

Mom guilt can threaten to take over everything if you let it. Stay productive and encouraged with these strategies in mind. You can stop blaming yourself and challenge those feelings with the help of a therapist. Together you can examine deeper issues and set goals for your life and family that are guilt-free and fulfilling. Please read more about anxiety therapy and contact us soon for help.

Stop Blaming Yourself: How to Fight "Mom Guilt"