5 Signs of Emotional Codependency

1. Constantly Thinking About the Relationship

When you are emotionally codependent, you tend to feel uncomfortable with being alone. Your relationship in question is a constant on your mind. It can become obsessive, and you may find yourself overanalyzing any and every situation. No matter what the other person does, you will take every word and action to heart. They will live rent-free in your brain all the time, sometimes without you even realizing you’re spending that much time on it.

2. Poor Self-Esteem

If you are in a codependent relationship with someone, typically, neither of you has the greatest self-esteem. For one of you, your sense of purpose comes from taking care of the other person or at least gaining their approval. For the other person, there becomes this need to rely on someone else to solve your problems. Validation comes from indirectly controlling the other person.

3. Fear Of Abandonment 

Stress is often the result of this fear of being alone or being abandoned by someone. You may have this feeling that you need to do everything right in order to keep that person from leaving—at any cost. This type of mindset can be very draining and cause a lot of unhappiness. No matter what this other person does, you always strive to make them happy. People pleasing is the only choice to keep everything happy and status quo. But in the process of making sure everyone else is happy and staying put, your own happiness goes by the wayside.

4. Lack Of Boundaries

Boundaries are often hard to set in life in general, whether it be with our time, with work, or with another person. When in a codependent state, there exists a problem with setting boundaries, recognizing them, and reinforcing them when needed. Either you are too controlling of another person to get your needs met, or you are compliant and afraid to assert yourself more. You start to have this need to be responsible for the feelings of someone else so strongly that the boundary line gets blurred or erased altogether.

5. Minimizing Your Own Feelings

In a codependent relationship, your relationship becomes a defining part of who you are. You minimize your own feelings for the greater good of the partnership. You may start to lose your own interests and passions to make space for someone else’s. Your basic identity becomes altered to reflect your relationship. Over time, you may not even know who you are as an individual person anymore. The worst part is by being so committed to someone else, you probably haven’t even noticed what you have lost in your identity. It may not even seem problematic unless pointed out by someone else.

Does any of this sound familiar? Concerned you may be experiencing codependency in a relationship? Contact us for a consultation to explore this topic further.