Why Do Red Flags Look Appealing at First?

New Can Be Thrilling

When you’re just starting to date someone or are in the beginning stages of a relationship, there is something so thrilling about the newness of it all. The excitement is intoxicating.

You’re learning their behaviors and personality. Any unpredictability or unusual behavior can easily be written off as part of that thrill. This sense of mystery can create a false sense of security.

With that thrill comes a chemical reaction in the brain. Dopamine, which is responsible for pleasure, motivation, and satisfaction, is released in a higher amount and can lead you to overlook problematic behavior.

Hidden Beneath the Charm

It’s another natural tendency to be charming when you’re first starting to date someone. You want to put your best foot forward and highlight all of your exceptional qualities.

While this may be normal, those who have red flags to hide may take this opportunity to mask them by being overly charming. What should be seen as alarming behavior gets mistaken for being attractive and appealing.

By the time these red flags start to show their true nature, they might have become easier to excuse or write off.

Confidence is Attractive

When someone walks into a room carrying themself with confidence, they will turn heads. There’s something incredibly attractive about confidence.

Confidence is also a tricky trait. There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness, but also confidence and aggressive behaviors. Red flags can easily be hidden by the appeal of a confident attitude, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship.

As the newness wears off, you may start to notice the underlying assertiveness or control that borders a mean streak. Suddenly, you’re stuck with a partner who has more regard for their feelings than yours, who makes decisions without seeking your input, or who doesn’t prioritize your values.

You’re a Fixer

There are many people out there who carry baggage from past experiences. It’s human nature to want to help someone through a tough time or get past a bad experience. This is especially common in relationships. You find a partner dealing with some issue and want to help “fix them” or help them find growth.

You want to see the good in someone before noticing the bad. This fixer complex can make it hard to see possible red flags for what they are — problems and not opportunities.

Love Bombing

Love bombing is a kind of emotional manipulation in which a person is exceptionally affectionate, complimentary, and loving. It’s hard to recognize this red flag because you are being showered with love, gifts, and attention.

However, love bombing is a form of control as a means to make them the most important person in your life. This behavior can become cold, distant, and abusive after establishing the relationship.

What Can You Do?

In a relationship, there are many reasons why red flags may look appealing in the beginning. Depending on your own experiences and circumstances, you may find more than one applies. 

The problem is that red flags often lead to toxic relationships with poor long-term outcomes. The best thing you can do is try to recognize and address these red flags.

Do you find it challenging to recognize problematic behavior? We can help! Contact us to schedule a session.