5 Tips to Stop Repeating Relationship Mistakes
1. Reflect on Your Past to Gain Self-Awareness
Before you can end this cycle of making relationship mistakes, you need to be aware that a pattern exists. If you’re not finding the success you’d like in the dating world, the first step is to reflect on past relationships.
Do you notice any similarities in how you behaved or the type of partner you were with? Did similar situations arise that left you feeling upset, hurt, unfulfilled, or unhappy? Look for common trends so you can be aware of them in the future. It’s essential to understand the how and why behind your relationship choices.
2. Identify Your Attachment Style
Your attachment style begins when you are a young child. It’s how you establish and maintain bonds with your caregivers and informs your adult relationships.
There are four main attachment styles — secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized (or fearful-avoidant). If you had a safe and secure home environment, you’re likelier to have a secure attachment style. However, if your home environment was unstable, you’re more likely to develop one of the insecure attachment styles, like anxious or avoidant.
Understanding your attachment style and why you developed it can help you gain more awareness of current, unhealthy relationship patterns. From there, you can begin the work of breaking those habits and replacing them with healthier behaviors.
3. Set Some Boundaries
Negative relationship dynamics and mistakes are often the result of not having boundaries or not enforcing them. Spend some time thinking about your wants and non-negotiables.
Setting boundaries allows you to feel secure in your relationship. They help reduce stress, protect your self-worth, and create balance. Boundaries ensure you are respected and valued, setting your relationship up for success.
4. Date Intentionally
If you’ve found yourself in this cycle of unproductive relationships, breaking out may require a bit more intention. You may need to spend more time getting to know a person before committing, especially if you tend to dive into relationships. If you’re someone who sticks with the same type of person expecting different outcomes, you may need to evaluate what draws you to those behaviors and if they actually align with your values and beliefs.
When you meet a new potential partner, take time to study their actions and habits before diving into a relationship. See how they treat people around them, react under stress, and influence your self-esteem and self-worth. Don’t be afraid to seek a trusted friend’s advice if you notice any red flags.
5. Own Your Part
No one loves saying, “I was wrong.” It’s much easier to blame your previous partners without recognizing the part you played. But if you truly want to stop repeating old mistakes, it’s important to understand and own your role in any failed relationship patterns.
Personal growth comes from acknowledging our own mistakes. You don’t have to take responsibility for anyone else’s actions; just be mindful of the fact that it’s a two-way street. This could be something as simple as continuously missing red flags or ignoring your instincts.
Being able to master all of these skills isn’t going to happen overnight. Therapy can provide professional guidance and perspective to help build greater self-awareness, self-compassion, and patience. Contact us for a consultation to get started!