The Playbook of Narcissism: Understanding Gaslighting
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated view of the self. Narcissists are arrogant and need admiration from others, with little empathy offered in return. This behavior is often at the expense of others, using manipulative tactics to boost their self-image.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a pattern of behavior using manipulative tactics that cause another person to doubt themselves severely. This behavior is a tool that narcissists and abusers often use.
Gaslighting is effective due to its subtle nature and the conviction with which it’s used. It’s a gradual process with outcomes that favor the user. Typically, the person being gaslit doesn’t even realize it’s happening.
How Does Gaslighting Work?
There are core themes often seen in gaslighting behavior. These include:
Distorting Reality: The gaslighter will contradict the truth or deny facts despite evidence implying otherwise. It’s not uncommon to hear things like “Your memory is wrong” or “That’s not how it happened.” They may also deliberately spread false information.
Gradual Implementation: Gaslighting often occurs slowly to avoid raising any red flags. It starts with little bits here and there and then escalates to higher significance.
Undermining Credibility: The gaslighter will purposely undermine your judgment. In doing so, they will also accuse you of being overly sensitive or crazy. They may dismiss your emotions and feelings.
Isolation: For the gaslighting to work, the victim must remain unaware that the behavior is occurring. One way to limit awareness is to keep the victim isolated.
Projection: The gaslighter will often accuse the victim of the behavior they themselves are displaying.
How to Tell When You’re Being Gaslit
Once you have a better understanding of the techniques used by narcissists, you can start to pay more attention to your own situation. There are a few key flags to be mindful of.
Do you find yourself constantly second-guessing your thoughts and actions? If so, does this stem from a specific relationship, whether a significant other, family member, or friend?
Do you often feel confused concerning your emotions and feelings? When you experience emotional moments, do you blame yourself for being too emotional or overly sensitive?
Are you a frequent apologizer, especially when something isn’t your fault? Will you try to fix things you’re being accused of even though you don’t believe you have done them?
Are you generally unhappy during interactions with a specific person? Do you ever feel like you’re losing your mind?
Any one of these may not seem like a problem, but put together over a length of time consistently and they will start to deteriorate your quality of life.
What Can Be Done?
If you’re reading this, you’re already off to a good start. The first step is educating yourself on the behaviors and signs.
You should also create and enforce boundaries to offset some of the gaslighting behaviors. This will also help repair any lost self-confidence.
Depending on your relationship with the gaslighter and how severe the behaviors are, you may require more guidance to rectify the situation. Therapy is a great tool to help you navigate the struggles you’re facing. If this is something that you’re concerned about in your own life, reach out to us to get started.