How Enmeshment Leads to Codependency
What is Enmeshment?
The term enmeshment originated by Salvador Minuchin and describes families with non-existent or blurred boundaries. His approach to family intervention was called Structural Family Therapy, or SFT. SFT uses patterns of behaviors to analyze family structures and address resulting issues.
A family experiencing enmeshment shares intimacy, establishes bonds, and tends to be highly communicative. Their dynamics go further than what is considered normal or healthy.
They become too close emotionally and physically. There is an inability for individual members to be independent from others or define themselves outside of the family whole. For this reason, the roles of each family member often become unclear or confused. Children take on parental responsibility. Parents find worth in their children’s successes.
Children often become robbed of a true childhood and feel responsible for their parents’ emotions and happiness. For this reason, they may feel hesitant to follow or even acknowledge their dreams. There are altered personal identities.
What is Codependency?
The term codependency originated with addiction and those who enabled alcohol and/or drug use. Now, it has a much broader use and application.
Codependency is another relationship dynamic where one person puts the needs of the other above their own. You become overly reliant on another person and change your behavior based on their mood, behavior, and needs.
Codependency differs from the idea of selflessness, however, due to a desire for control from one of the parties in the relationship. In addition, there is difficulty in expressing emotions, intense focus on the other person, self-sacrifice, and loss of identity.
What Causes Enmeshment?
Both enmeshment and codependency can be generational. Families teach what is familiar. They tend to raise kids how they were brought up. If there were unhealthy habits growing up, they could be handed down to the next generation and keep repeating.
Enmeshment comes from previous traumatic experiences during childhood. It can come from illness, addiction, abuse, or something bigger. With generational concerns, the origination of the trauma might not be known or able to be identified.
Growing up in an enmeshed household teaches ineffective and unhealthy ways to handle conflict and communicate. Because of this, adult relationships are more likely to be affected when one of the partners grew up under these circumstances.
What to Watch For
There are a number of warning signs that you’re in an enmeshed family or a codependent relationship. Some of these include:
Lacking emotional boundaries with others
Lacking physical boundaries with others
Feeling responsible for your loved ones’ emotional well-being
Avoiding conflict
Minimizing your desires, dreams, and aspirations
Feeling guilty when you do try to assert independence
Fearing abandonment by your partner or your family
Being a people pleaser, no matter what the cost
Not having a full understanding of who you are as an individual
Unpacking Childhood Trauma
There are benefits for both family therapy and individual therapy when dealing with an enmeshed family. For instance, you need to learn how to establish and enforce boundaries, learn what your identity is, and heal from the trauma.
The most effective way to overcome enmeshment and codependency and the impact it can have on your life (and your family’s) is to seek professional treatment. You need to break the generational cycle. If you think you can benefit from treatment, reach out to us today to learn more.