Why “Just Get on With It” Hurts Your Struggling Loved One
What is and is not okay to say to someone who is dealing with mental health issues? What is and isn’t it appropriate support for someone dealing with mental health issues? Which is the best way to connect with and understand those who are struggling?
Below are three concepts that can help make a real difference in the life of a hurting loved one:
It’s Not All in Their Head
Just because the wound is on the inside of the body, that wound isn’t any less real. Those dealing with mental health issues are constantly in battle with themselves. Kind patience matters.
Telling them to get over it or snap out of it will not help much. In fact, you may, unintentionally, hurt them. The best thing you can do for them—even if you don’t understand—is to ask if they need anything. Share your willingness to listen. Ask if they need to talk, be available and reliable if they need help.
And if all else fails, just let them know that you’re there for them whenever they are ready. It will go a long way.
Resist The Urge to Tell Them to “Be Positive”
Trust that your loved one is trying. Mental health is a constant struggle. To get out of their own head and enjoy what’s around them. Mental health is a continuous battle. The idea that they must convince themselves that they’re not being “dramatic” and overly emotional is hurtful.
Sometimes, just getting out of bed every morning is accomplishment enough. Telling someone to be happy and that others have it worse can be damaging to an individual dealing with accepting their struggle and finding solutions. It only promotes the feeling of their ‘being dramatic.’ If that feeling is continually suppressed, the issues will only worsen. They’ll be more unlikely to open up about it if they feel safe to acknowledge it.
Suicidal Ideation is Not Selfish
Suicide is often a desperate act to help rid some uncontrollable pain. If someone comes to you and explains that they’re thinking of hurting themselves, do not simply take it as “crying wolf” or a bid for attention requiring no action. Take that statement seriously, and respond accordingly.
You don’t have to understand what’s going on. All you need to understand is what steps will protect your loved one’s life and mind. How can you support the situation and get them help?
Productive Words of Support You Can Offer
Do you want to talk about it?
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Let me know how I can help.
I’m open to listening.
You’re doing so great.
I’m really proud of you today.
Do you need anything?
I’m here for you.
I support you.
Mental health is a tricky battle. Just expressing that you’re there to support your loved ones will go a long way. They’ll open up when they feel ready to. Until then, don’t force, rush, or push. The intention is to help the individual start feeling seen and heard.
The goal is to assist and support. It may not always be easy, but your consistency will go a long way.
Just know, your loved one is likely doing their best day in and day out. Their perspective is currently their reality, and they’re just trying to find a way out of a frightening rabbit hole. With your support, they are learning to take care of themselves first. They’re coping with the battle as they know how to cope.
Finally,
Growth and change may feel deeply painful, even impossible, right now. Remember though, that recovery is a process. The best thing now is to continually embrace them with open arms. Let them know that they are not alone. Encourage your loved ones to seek professional guidance and care. It will be the most rewarding for path them in the long term.
Please read more about individual counseling and reach out soon for a consultation.