5 Key Ways to Validate and Support Loved Ones Well
Everyone wants to feel as though their thoughts and emotions mean something. Have you ever felt disregarded or had your feelings ignored? The last thing you want is to pass that along to someone else.
When people feel validated, they also feel supported. That’s incredibly important when they’re going through a tough time or just need someone on their side.
You should always strive to be supportive of the people in your life who really mean something to you. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to validate well. You might be “ignoring” someone’s feelings without really realizing it.
So, what can you do to validate and support someone well, and strengthen the relationships in your life?
1. Learn to Listen
You might think listening is easy, but wait!
Listening is so much more than just hearing what a person has to say. Are you fully engaged when they’re speaking? Are you truly hearing the point of their comments? If you’re only half-listening, people can usually pick up on it. Use things like nonverbal cues to indicate that you’re understanding what’s being said. You can also give short verbal responses to confirm you’re hearing everything, and that you’re invested.
2. Stay in the Present
If someone is going through a hard time, their emotions might get the best of them while they’re talking. Stay with them through this, in every way. Reach out and hold their hand, touch their shoulder, or simply say “I’m here”. These small gestures can go a long way in letting that person know you care about their feelings.
3. Find a Way to Relate
The last thing you want to do is flip a person’s feelings around and make them about you. But, you can share something you’ve gone through with that person that might relate to the situation. Talk about what happened and how you got through it.
When done the right way, you sharing your own story will help that person feel like they’re not alone, and the way they’re feeling isn’t “wrong”, since you’ve been there, too.
4. Know What Not to Say
Sometimes, saying the wrong things can be worse than not saying anything. You can easily invalidate someone’s feelings and experiences by trying to correct their thoughts or give unsolicited advice. It’s also important not to pretend their feelings aren’t there or try to sweep them under the rug.
Avoid saying things like “it’s not so bad,” or “look on the bright side”. It’s not that those sayings are inherently bad. But, when someone is going through something difficult, those things can make it seem like you’re trying to brush everything away without really fixing the problem.
5. Work With Them
If someone you love is hurting, it’s normal to want to “fix” the problem for them. But, that isn’t always possible or the best option. Instead, offer to work with them. Brainstorming solutions together can make them feel validated and stronger since they know they have someone on their side.
Make sure you don’t fall into the trap of doing everything for them, as tempting as it might be. That can make that person feel like they can’t handle things on their own, or that you’re just frustrated and wanting the problem to be gone.
Everyone needs validation and support, especially when they’re dealing with a difficult situation. Knowing how to provide it in a healthy and effective way is wonderful for relationships. Keep these key ideas in mind, read more about family therapy and use them the next time someone you care about needs a listening ear and a helping hand. They’re simple solutions, but they can go a long way.