How To Overcome Your Fear of Commitment
Why Do We Fear Commitment?
Fear of commitment can also be referred to as gamophobia. This is when someone is so intensely afraid of commitment that they will find great difficulty in having long-term relationships.
Most of the time, we fear commitment because of things that have happened to us in the past that have made us feel vulnerable, or hurt. This could be from past relationships, and you may be fearful that you will get hurt again. In other cases, individuals may fear commitment due to intense lack of confidence or self worth.
Often, we self sabotage our relationships as a preventative measure, because we are afraid that our partners will eventually leave us, or fall out of love with us.
Signs of Commitment Issues
Some common signs are:
You want to keep your attachments casual
You self sabotage your relationships
You’ve convinced yourself you don’t need to commit
You find it difficult to open up
You find many faults in others
You’re afraid of getting hurt
You never think about the future of your relationship
You question everything
You don’t get emotionally attached
You don’t like making plans
You feel uncomfortable when your partner shows signs of commitment
How to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment
Work On Committing
Practicing commitment is essential in overcoming your fears. Take small steps by holding hands in public, making plans every week, or every 2 weeks and build up to further in the future. Try spending a weekend with your partner, or going out of town together, to make yourself more comfortable with it over time.
Talk to Someone
It’s also a great idea to speak to someone close to you that you trust. You can get out a lot of unresolved anger or frustration and find the support you need. If you are in a relationship with someone, or dating them, and you are finding it hard to commit, you can also speak to them about how you feel. More often than not, getting your feelings out in the open and communicating about your fears can help lessen the load, and keep your partner on the same page.
Try Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is another way you can work on your commitment issues. This can help you make the relationship work, as your commitment issues could contribute to intimacy problems, or hold you back from moving forward in your relationships. In couples therapy, you can work through your issues together, and identify what each of your boundaries are.
Go to Individual Therapy
Finally, it is a good idea to go to therapy yourself to figure out why commitment may be so difficult for you. There may be underlying or unresolved issues such as past relationships, attachment styles, or childhood trauma that could be contributing to your commitment issues. You will gain the support you need, and you can work on your self-esteem simultaneously.