4 Signs of Codependency
1. You Have Poor Boundaries
Boundaries are a personal set of limits or rules you establish for yourself. They’re important for self-preservation and maintaining a certain level of mental, physical, and emotional well-being.
Boundaries are key to a healthy work-life balance and the establishment of healthy relationships. When properly set and enforced, you can create safety, respect, and control in your life.
When you have set boundaries, noting that you won’t stand for certain behaviors but cannot provide a consequence for violating them could be a sign of a weak boundary. Someone close to you may overstep your boundaries, so you give them multiple chances. As you do so, you increase your tolerance for those behaviors.
Depending on the relationship, you may find yourself making excuses for their harmful behavior or simply enduring it for no real reason. Having weak or poor boundaries can be a sign of codependency.
2. You Have Low Self-Worth
Low self-worth can be a negative self-image or poor self-esteem. Not being able to see your own value and what you bring to any table can spiral into larger problems. You may find yourself feeling inadequate compared to your peers. You might doubt yourself and your abilities for work or personal tasks. With that also comes an increased likelihood of looking to others for some sense of validation.
Often, you start sacrificing your needs, your boundaries, and your own interests to serve others around you. Their need fills that void where you’re missing self-worth. This can even turn into you taking on a caregiving role.
3. Limited Happiness or Purpose Away from a Relationship
Humans are social beings and thrive in environments where they can explore, learn, and grow. The world is filled with endless opportunities for all of the above.
You spend your childhood and adolescence developing your identity and figuring out who/what you want to be. Your experience should be unique to you and not tied to a single person.
If your identity is so closely tied to someone else’s, whether it be a romantic partner, a friend, or a family member, you’re limiting your independence. You’re taking away opportunities to participate in hobbies or activities you enjoy if they aren’t interested. You may pass up social engagements because they don’t want to go.
When you can’t find a purpose or happiness outside of a relationship, this is a sign of codependency.
4. You Lack Genuine Communication
The foundation for a healthy relationship is communication skills. You should be able to have open, honest, and meaningful conversations, regardless of whether or not you see eye to eye.
A pretty big warning sign that your relationship is in a codependent status is when you aren’t having genuine conversations. When you’re dealing with codependency, you may find yourself neglecting your viewpoints, needs, and desires to meet those of your counterpart.
You don’t want to create waves or cause any type of conflict, so you keep your comments to yourself or you rephrase points made by them. When one of you expresses your feelings, the other person may become defensive and shut down. An independent and healthy relationship shouldn’t be uncomfortable or cause you to feel muted in any way.
Are you concerned that you’re in a codependent relationship? Contact us to learn more about unlearning this behavior and getting your relationship on a healthier track.