5 Ways to Learn From Your Past Mistakes So You Don’t Repeat Them in Future Relationships

1. Understand Your Past

Relationships aren’t just about the here and now. Much of your personality, traits, behaviors, and all the things that make you you were shaped throughout your development from childhood to adulthood. 

All the positive and negative experiences have influenced your present self. There may be things that you have buried down or have avoided processing that are impacting the success of your relationships. You may also be unaware of interactions that occurred in the past but are showing up in your present. 

Self-reflection and understanding of significant past events can help your learning experience. You may also find speaking with a therapist helpful in uncovering those unknowns. 

2. Understand Any Patterns in Past Relationships

While you’re doing some self-reflection and deep-diving into yourself, it can be important to examine your past relationships to see if there are any patterns. 

Note behaviors you have that reoccur or how you respond in certain relationship situations. The more aware you are of your patterns, the more you can catch on to any red flags going forward. 

While it’s common to want to blame the ex-partner for relationship failure, one person isn’t usually 100% at fault. Own your role in any mistakes made, evaluate them, and grow. 

3. Take Your Time

After a relationship ends, taking some time to yourself is important. Process the ending of the relationship and re-learn to be comfortable on your own. So often, people want to rush into something new for fear of being alone or having to race that biological ticking clock. 

Avoid rushing right into a new relationship. Slowing down the dating process and assessing your situation can help ensure your next relationship is with someone who better matches you. 

When you rush, you’re more likely to overlook warning signs or red flags. You may also try to change some of who you are to appear more desirable. 

Use this time to be comfortable in your own skin, recognize what it is you are looking for, and understand what you aren’t willing to accept any longer. 

4. Gauge Your Situation

When you do meet someone and are interested in pursuing the relationship further, make sure you take the time to get to know that person. Figure out how the two of you currently fit together and how the future will look. 

Have important conversations without fear of having differing opinions. Gauge how much your values and beliefs align, what you’re looking for out of a relationship, and what your goals are. If things don’t seem to fit well or there are too many unknowns, be ok to walk away and try again.

5. Be Your Own Happiness

There has been such a stigma around relationships that your partner needs to be the thing that makes you happy. If you’ve used this mindset in your past relationships, this could be a source of your problems. 

Yes, your partner should contribute to your happiness, but not the main source. That will only lead to codependence. You should be what makes you happy. Take care of your mental health and well-being, do the things that bring you joy, and make room for those who support you. The rest will flow much easier after that. 

Are you having trouble finding success in a relationship? Schedule an appointment with us, and let us help you navigate this journey.