4 Strategies for Resolving Disagreements in a Healthy Way
1. Use “I” Statements Rather than “You” Language
When faced with a disagreement, the last thing you want to do is keep your feelings buried or avoid the issue altogether. Unless you express yourself, your counterpart will often not know exactly how you’re feeling.
You also want to make sure you don’t default to placing blame. Using statements that start with “you make me feel…” can come off as aggressive and signify that you’re blaming the other person for their actions.
Instead, use “I” statements to convey your thoughts and feelings. “I feel…” or “I need…” will better convey your feelings more effectively. Expressing your feelings will let your partner know something is awry in a less threatening manner.
2. Confront the Problem, Not the Person
When a disagreement is brewing, perspective and attitude are key. In most instances, the person is not the problem. Making another person the focus of the issue can result in mutual resentment, unnecessary anger, and festering anger that carries into future problems.
You should work together to tackle the issue causing the conflict. When you confront the problem, not the person, you can problem-solve more effectively as a united front. De-personalizing conflict can turn it into healthy conflict and promote healthy communication.
3. Practice Active Listening
Active listening is a key component of healthy communication with any counterpart. When it comes to conflict and disagreements, it becomes even more important.
It’s natural to want your voice and argument heard during disagreements. Your partner likely feels the same way; wanting to be understood and validated is human nature.
To avoid turning this into a yelling match or a battle of the wits, take a moment to mentally prepare for the conversation. Take a deep breath and remind yourself to stay calm. When it comes time for the other person to speak, you should try to stay quiet and focus on what they are saying. A good rule of thumb is to paraphrase their thoughts back to them and ask questions when appropriate.
When it comes time for you to share your side, it’s important that you’re given that same respect in return. If you’re not receiving it, ask for it. This strategy of active listening helps you realize each other’s perspective and can surface common ground from which to work.
4. Find a Path to Understanding
At the end of the day, not every conflict will be resolved. No two people will ever see eye to eye on every issue that arises.
However, you can work through a disagreement without having a winning side but having a mutual understanding of the situation. One or both of you may need to compromise. You may end up meeting in the middle with a reasonable solution.
No matter what happens, it’s important to brainstorm all possible solutions, evaluate and weigh each idea, and select the one that both parties can agree to.
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